So? You can remember it now. I've done things I've needed -- wanted to do here that won't affect me back home. People have dated, gotten married, opened businesses... Why not take a chance?
[ She's not forceful. And honestly, her own words start to make her reconsider some things about herself, about being here. It's confusing in some ways.
She hates this feeling bullshit. She really does. ]
[ Larsa is quiet for a long time, though not severing the connection. There's no flood of emotions from him, just sort of... emptiness. Slightly sad.
Then. ]
I shall think about it.
[ He can't give more than that, not honestly, and yet he doesn't want to cut her off with what his own thoughts are telling him. He knows better than that. ]
...sorry if I've been a little pushy. I just think you should explore what you can while you can, you know? Promise I've only got your best interests in mind.
[ There's a pause on her end, her voice less quiet and strained now, a soft almost-laugh huff of air. ]
You know, I was just going to ask if you wanted to get ice cream or something. Funny how things can go their own way, right?
[ His best interests in mind. That just makes Larsa just shut down any emotion going through the connection for a moment. Then he comes back with soft and grateful. And tightly controlled. ]
If you have free time tomorrow, I can come find for ice cream?
No big deal. I understand how much pressure you must be under, so you don't have to grin and bear it for me. Deal?
[ She understands how people must say that to him all the time. The only difference is what Jill's trying to do might as well be the complete opposite of what anyone else ever has for him. Hopefully that says something. ]
[ There is a small hesitation, and then, very carefully, ] I think part of the problem at this time is that I do not have to do anything that I am aware of. It is... disorienting. But I will find a way to come to terms with it.
Like I said, no big deal, you know? All I do back home is work. Rarely a moment to spare, finish one mission and I'm off to the next before I get a good night's sleep so I... can understand that feeling. I threw myself into hunting.
[ She listens, of course, but she's trying to think of a way to explain how she feels and for that matter, relate. ]
Just gotta figure out what to do that'll either distract you or you can enjoy. We'll all go back eventually and I think that's what I needed to accept. I still get frustrated, but... gotta give it a go while you can. Might be the only opportunity we have. I've... I've already missed out on one of those here and I regret it.
[ The trouble is that Larsa did his best, with both Gabranth and Hope. Especially Gabranth. He tried to stay safe and do what Gabranth wanted him to, to make his - friend? Whatever the Judge was to him, smile and feel at ease and all right. And it doesn't help. Doesn't help in the least.
In his room, Larsa wipes at his eyes, though the connection remains steady. ]
All right. Of course. I will try.
[ It might take a few weeks before he gets there, though. ]
[ Maybe that's what he wanted the most. Not just that, but to have that person be alive. To spend time with them while he could. She understood that, she really did. ]
Hey, it's okay. You don't have to say what you think I want to hear, you know. Just take it easy, Larsa.
[ She suspects it will. Still, she's worried about him. ]
[ Sorry... eventually he'll realize he should have just said what the trouble was. But... he's been prepared since he was a toddler for so many eventualities, yet this is so outside any of them that he's lost. Lost enough to be able to see the light she is offering and unable to move towards it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Take this as an opportunity you might not have ever had otherwise.
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[ He cuts himself off with a sharp breath. Then his voice is back to... low. And calm. ]
Indulging myself is not what is needed of me. And even if I do - I would not even remember it.
There is little point, considering both of these.
[ Why, no, Larsa is not used to doing things without reason. Probably never will be. ]
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[ She's not forceful. And honestly, her own words start to make her reconsider some things about herself, about being here. It's confusing in some ways.
She hates this feeling bullshit. She really does. ]
Sometimes things don't have a point, you know.
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Then. ]
I shall think about it.
[ He can't give more than that, not honestly, and yet he doesn't want to cut her off with what his own thoughts are telling him. He knows better than that. ]
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[ There's a pause on her end, her voice less quiet and strained now, a soft almost-laugh huff of air. ]
You know, I was just going to ask if you wanted to get ice cream or something. Funny how things can go their own way, right?
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[ His best interests in mind. That just makes Larsa just shut down any emotion going through the connection for a moment. Then he comes back with soft and grateful. And tightly controlled. ]
If you have free time tomorrow, I can come find for ice cream?
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[ She understands how people must say that to him all the time. The only difference is what Jill's trying to do might as well be the complete opposite of what anyone else ever has for him. Hopefully that says something. ]
Oh, I've got plenty of time for you.
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[ There is a small hesitation, and then, very carefully, ] I think part of the problem at this time is that I do not have to do anything that I am aware of. It is... disorienting. But I will find a way to come to terms with it.
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[ She listens, of course, but she's trying to think of a way to explain how she feels and for that matter, relate. ]
Just gotta figure out what to do that'll either distract you or you can enjoy. We'll all go back eventually and I think that's what I needed to accept. I still get frustrated, but... gotta give it a go while you can. Might be the only opportunity we have. I've... I've already missed out on one of those here and I regret it.
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In his room, Larsa wipes at his eyes, though the connection remains steady. ]
All right. Of course. I will try.
[ It might take a few weeks before he gets there, though. ]
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Hey, it's okay. You don't have to say what you think I want to hear, you know. Just take it easy, Larsa.
[ She suspects it will. Still, she's worried about him. ]
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I will see you tomorrow?
[ Sorry... eventually he'll realize he should have just said what the trouble was. But... he's been prepared since he was a toddler for so many eventualities, yet this is so outside any of them that he's lost. Lost enough to be able to see the light she is offering and unable to move towards it.
It'll pass. ]
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[ He really deserves to act like a thirteen year old, she figures. And if he wants to talk to her, she'll listen. ]